Conservative Rock Songs

The National Review published an alleged list of the top 50 "conservative rock songs".

Everyone's disputing it, pointing out places where the compiler of the list has misunderstood the lyrics, or missed a very broad irony, and absolutely everyone, even NPR, is pointing out that "Stand By Your Man" is not, and never will be, rock & roll.

There's also the noteworthy fact that unquestionably conservative rockers like Skrewdriver and Prussian Blue were excluded from the list, apparently for being too conservative.

The spin most people are putting on this is that Republicans are trying way too hard to appear "cool", like the kids in high school who were desperate to join the "cool" clique. Thing is, I've always thought of the "cool" clique (we called them "sosh", rhymes with "gauche") as the quintessential conservative insitution: over here behind the velvet rope, we're the coolest, because we say so.

The kids who were really cool, of course, the ones who went on to become the actual rock musicians (and film directors, and game designers, &c.) were very seldom members of the "cool" clique, and usually held it in disdain. They also seldom grew up to be conservatives.

Lots of other people have kicked the snot out of the published list, and I have no interest in piling on. Instead, I'd like to offer to help my conservative fellow Americans by suggesting alternative songs for the list:

"The Times They Are A-Changin'" by Bob Dylan. With lyrics like "If your time to you
Is worth savin'/ Then you better start swimmin'/ Or you'll sink like a stone / For the times they are a-changin'", it eloquently exhorts self-reliance, and is especially pointed in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, in which all those lazy Negroes chose to be stranded by floodwaters.

Bad Moon by John Fogerty, Creedence Clearwater Revival: A stark endorsement of law-and-order policies: "One eye is taken for an eye".

"Who Will Save Your Soul" by Jewel: Hey, it's religious, right? And Religion is always conservative, right?

Piggies by George Harrison: A paean to traditional childrearing techniques. "What they need's a damn good whacking".

Law and Order by Tom Robinson: Yeah, baby!

Love Me, I'm a Liberal by Phil Ochs: What could be more conservative than making fun of liberals?

Finally, here's what I think of as the ultimate conservative rock song, a stirring tribute to the selfless and unquestioning courage of the American fighting man. I refer, of course, to the "Feel Like I'm Fixin' to Die Rag" by Country Joe and the Fish.

Well, that was pretty mean of me, and pretty frivolous, even if I did enjoy it. I ought to be focusing on finishing up the school year (so I'll at least get a D and not an F for the term), and on my poor father, who has broken his hip.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Do it now."\\